


Behind the Smile

by Moviemaniacgirl



Category: Scrubs
Genre: AU-JD's Backstory, Dark, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 21:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moviemaniacgirl/pseuds/Moviemaniacgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Dorian is not what everyone thinks he is. He was hurt as a boy and he finally comes clean to one person, Dr. Perry Cox. </p>
<p>Dark one-shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Smile

No one at Sacred Heart Hospital smiled as much as John Dorian. No one at Sacred Heart Hospital was more alone or broken than John Dorian. 

JD skipped around the hospital with the spunk of a fourteen year old girl, but sobbed in the shower at home like a sixteen year old girl who just realized that she was wrong about everything. But, if a patient were to ask they would be told that JD was a happy doctor, in fact the happiest doctor most patients had ever met. It was only a sad secret that he was plagued with old-memories and ghosts of things he'd felt before. Still, on the surface he seemed to be the one person that the world had never touched, and if you asked Dr. Cox, who was very much annoyed by the outward innocence of JD, he’d say the same thing every time: 

“Jessica is th-he-heee girlyest sack of girl parts I have e-eeeever had the displeasure to know. If you don’t see that runner-up prom queen smiling within the ne-hext fifteen seconds I will personally saw off my own hand and give him a hand.” 

No one quite knew what to make of the hatred, some passed it off as jealousy, others as a pent up sexual frustration, but no matter what the motive, the message was clear enough: John Dorian is a happy girl, John Dorian is not sad, and John Dorian will never let anyone out of his sight if he cares about them. 

 

It was April 4th 2010 when Elliot first realized that she might be wrong about JD. She hadn't known him as long as Turk had, and she didn’t live with him like Carla did, but Elliot was sure that she knew JD almost as well as she knew herself, which admittedly wasn’t that much a lot of the time. But, she knew when she was out of it, and she knew when JD was out of it: and he was out of it today.

Dr. Cox stormed down the halls furiously, and Elliot had been left with a JD who looked like he was struggling to breath, and about to break in half. This was when she realized that he was not just his smile, that there was a person beneath the surface that she had never thought to ask about, and that Dr. Cox could actually hurt the boy-wonder. 

“JD?”

“Ya, Elliot?” 

“You can tell me anything.”

“I know.”

“I’m just saying… if you ever—,” 

“Bar-boo, would you mind kindly nah-ot feeding the girl, bulimia can only do so much.”

“Dr. Cox, would you mind?”

“Barbie, wouldn’t you mind leaving me-he alone? You can go play with the Ken Doll by the nurses’ station.”

“I’m serious.”

“Do I look like I’m not?”

Elliot left the room quickly, turning to glance at JD, who was just now managing to cover up the complete brokenness of his face. 

“Helen.”

“Hmm?”

“Did your boyfriend cheat on you with another girl from the drum line?”

“No, Dr. Cox, he did not.”

“Someone’s not playing well with others today.”

JD remained silent, only to stand moments later. Dr. Cox flinched. It was the first time in his life that Dr. Cox hadn’t been able to understand what was going on in JD’s head. For fuck’s sake, Perry had taught the kid almost everything he knew, and fucking depression was not a lesson in the Advanced Percival Cox Course. If it was anyone else, he wouldn’t have asked: 

“What is it?”

“Do you actually care?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Fuck… come on, Dorian. Spill it. I know you want to.”

JD looked forward, passed Perry’s face, and frowned. Dr. Cox was the only teacher he had had since middle school that he was not afraid of. Most people would've thought every doctor in Sacred Heart, besides Kelso, would be terrified of Dr. Cox, but JD wasn't, and there was a reason: Dr. Cox didn’t care about JD more than as a student, a protege. Even though JD had sometimes wondered what it would be like to be with Dr Cox in a romantic way, the thought was always fleeting. Wanting to be someone who wouldn’t treat him like glass was not worth being with someone in a position of authority over him. Tilting his head to the left, JD began to sink into himself, sink into what made him back away from wanting Dr. Cox.

He remembered when he was 10 and all of his friend’s parents had said he was “one of the most docile and thoughtful young men” they had ever met. The problem with being thoughtful was that it didn't change the fact that he was easy to pick on, and that some teachers didn’t care to protect him. There had always been assholes in his middle school career, but one of them was the worst, and whenever he and the bully got into fights, it was always JD who got into the trouble. He knew that everyone knew he hadn't done anything, but it was easier to punish him than any bully. Every week he would have detention, and this was mildly inconvient, but it wasn’t until the end of seventh grade that JD was truly terrified of, rather than just annoyed by, a teacher. It was when he had a detention with Mr. Minnow. The detention began as they normally did, a nice “what did you do now?” and a few “clean the desks”, “clean the tables”. The only deviation from the norm was when Mr. Minnow asked JD to sit on his lap for a few minutes. It wasn’t the act that was weird, rather it was the hard thing pressing up against the bottom of JD’s thighs that bothered him. He was tempted to ask, but knew better than to pose such an awkward question, especially when he was in trouble as it was. Rather, JD spent the rest of the detention feeling a firm stare on his body and trying, with all his might, to stop getting goosebumps. JD looked it up at home, and he didn't like what the hard thing had meant. 

“Sissy! Winona! Uma! Wake up!”

JD turned back to Dr. Cox to see something akin to concern on the older man’s face. JD was pleasantly surprised for a moment before he felt a chill of memory ghost passed him. 

“What little daydream kept you this time? Elves? Fairies? Candy men?”

“No, Dr. Cox. Just a memory.”

“A memory?”

“Ya, a memory.”

“Stop keeping me in fucking suspense. Just tell me already.”

Dr. Cox stood with his arms folded over his chest, and his legs shoulder width apart, he looked ready to fight, and JD was suddenly exhausted. He sat back down and felt himself give up. He’d never told anyone in his life, and he was suddenly too tired to carry the burden by himself for much longer. If he couldn't love Dr. Cox, and if he couldn't ever be with Dr. Cox, he could at least trust him. Perry would not be the type to treat him differently, and he would not be the type to gossip if he was asked not to. If he couldn't be JD's savior, he could at least lighten some of the burden. 

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Ya, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.”

“I had detentions when I was in middle school. I had them a lot. And the detention proctor worked at my high school after I graduated from middle… I… I still had detentions a lot, even if my actual teachers didn’t give them to me. Sometimes the proctor would.”

“So you were a trouble maker? Woop-de-fucking-doo.”

“I didn’t do anything to get into trouble. I was just easier to punish.”

“Such a princess.” The waiver in Dr. Cox's voice was unsettling, but JD knew even Perry Cox could understand when something was serious. 

“One time I wasn’t asked why I was there. He didn’t care. He pushed me up against the wall and I cried. He slapped me and I kept crying. I don’t remember what happened on that detention, but I remember the rest of them so I can guess. A cock down my throat, probably up my ass… he kissed me a lot, and left marks. I got detention once a week, every week, for six years starting in the seventh grade.” 

Dr. Cox stood across from JD and felt his entire body sag. There was a sudden weight in the pit of his stomach, on his shoulders, in his feet. He had never hated JD, on the contrary he was probably the only person he could stand, he had never wanted anything to happen to the kid… not something like this. JD was supposed to be perfect, he was supposed to be innocent and clean and not tainted, and he was supposed to believe that there was magic in the world... not this. Dr. Cox frowned and put his hands behind his head—this was not supposed to happen to someone like JD. 

“JD… I… I don’t—,” Dr. Cox began a stuttered apology when JD interrupted him.

“You don’t have to know anything or apologize for anything. I just want you to promise me that you will tell no one, and that this does not affect anything.”

“But… but it does. You… but you’re JD. You’re bambi. It’s not supposed to happen to you…”

“It didn’t happen to me. It happened to a twelve year old boy.” 

“But--,”

“Please. I'm not a boy anymore. Just promise.”

“Fine…I promise to keep your secret and treat you the same.”

“Thank you, Dr. Cox.”

“You can come to me if you need to talk…”

JD nodded but left the room silently and without any intent to talk to Dr Cox about it, and Cox remained in the empty room, feeling only the ghosts of JD that remained. He shivered and hunched down to the ground: something inside Dr. Perry Cox was gone.


End file.
